Regrets
by Sakate
Summary: What if Julia never showed for the Houston-Levitt night? A last, heartbroken solo from Tom ends the night ensuring him the director votes, but does he even want it anymore, having lost so many friendships in the past year? And when he disappears, what will those responsible do to find Tom and make things right? No relationships, just a bit of Tom/Derek friendship musings.
1. Chapter 1: Revue

Author's notes: So in between crazy deadlines for work I've been itching to get this story out and started. And I know I have two other stories that desperately need my attention, but the Star Trek meets Pride and Prejudice one is a doozy of a long term project and I'm at crossroads with poor simon of Firefly, so since this one has been so easy to write I figured I'd get it on the road. Most of it is already drafted out/structured, so it's just filling in the lines.

So it's lots of angst and hurt/comfort. I love angst - it's my favorite thing to read and my favorite thing to write, and I hope I do it well! I also love Tom, poor guy - it was interesting watching his relationships and friendships evolve over the two seasons. He had ups and downs with both Julia and Ivy, but there was also some interesting underlying/growing friendships with Karen (just a wee bit, not really that much) but most importantly Derek. They were oil and water at the beginning of season 1, I loved seeing them work together and grow to better understandings in season 2 out of mutual respect for their talent, if nothing else. 

And so away we go! Don't own anything Smash, the characters, the songs, etc, etc. Constructive critiques and compliments are always welcome - I get super excited when I see review notices.

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Chapter 1: Revue

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"Get her here. Now."

Tom nodded. "...trying again." and walks to a more private area of the Oak Room. Five calls throughout the evening and not a single answer, but finally as if commanded by the threat of Eileen's wrath he heard the dial tone end and Julia's voice answer the phone.

"I know, I know, I'm coming."

Her comment sparks the dry and bitter feelings of irritation and frustration into a firey flame. "Coming? You're coming? The show starts in fifteen minutes!"

Tom hears Julia let out a exasperated huff over the phone. "I'm sorry – Jimmy and I are almost done. We're trying to put one of Kyle's ideas into the show by curtain - we have to do it tonight."

He leans further into the wooden frame for support, choosing his words careful, trying to keep his anger at bay. "I appreciate what you're doing for Kyle, I really do, but we have a show too, and that one's got your name on it!"

"I'm leaving right now."

"Hurry, we're first up. I had to change the order when I turned it into a revue."

"It's a revue?"

Again, her comment, so thoughtlessly ignorant and destructive stabs at his heart as his anger and frustration builds. "This reminds me of last year, me working my ass off for both of us and you somewhere else distracted."

"Okay, to be fair, Tom, we broke up."

"Yes, and now that everyone here knows it, it's gonna make being alone here even more fun." Tom says bluntly.

"Wait, everyone knows?"

"You would know that too if you would check your phone!" He hisses into the phone.

"Then we don't have to sing!"

At her words, everything stopped. Tom felt like his whole world had suddenly broke and was shattering to pieces as Julia continued.

"If everyone knows, then I can just stay here to see Hit List through. You only needed me to keep up appearances, but if the news got leaked then it wouldn't be a surprise if I wasn't there. This is great." she says in a relieved voice. "I'll talk to you later, Tom."

Eileen walked up to Tom, who stared numbly at the phone in his hand. "Well? When is Julia coming?" She demanded. "Tom. Are you listening to me?"

From a fog Tom heard his voice reply with one last lie. "She just left – we'll need to have Ivy move to the second number and go back to the original order."

He hears her say something in reply and walk away, but all he can do is stand there, frozen in shock. Memories of Julia walking out during the workshop, distraught at seeing Michael's family come into the studio...of her running out on the small school play after surprising her for the anniversary of their partnership...her weeks of skipping and missing out on rehearsals because she was dealing with Frank. All the memories assaulted him, making it hard to breathe.

"Tom. Tom?"

Another voice broke through the fog once more. Trying to keep watery eyes from spilling, he sniffed and turned to see his assistant, hoping the pain he is feeling doesn't show in his expression..

"We're on in five, everything's ready – Eileen said Ivy was good to go." She eyes him, and he can tell that she considers saying something, but she holds back, looking at him expectantly.

He nods, sniffing again and clearing his throat. Just don't think, his mind says. Don't think, just do. Otherwise it's over.

"Let's do this, then." A tense smile, a nod. The show begins.

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Tom's fingers move across the keys, and at times his acting fools even him, if only for a few minutes. Some small part of him believes even still that Julia would change her mind, or finish up and appear up on the stage, ready to sing the last song they may ever sing together as partners. Through the whirl of colors and sequins the songs go by until there's only one left. His fingers tremble, but to his pride his voice remains steady as he looks out at the audience.

"This was the last song of the night, and as it turns out, the last song the club would ever hear..."

He thinks back to long nights he and Julia had spent together, endlessly toiling to build up so many amazing musicals, and his fingers begin to play. "A writer has the empty page where he can set the scene..."

At the end, the audience erupts into applause, and he finds himself standing wide-eyed and fighting to keep a smile on his face as he thanks the audience with a bow. He passes through the crowds of well-wishers unaware of what his replies exactly are. By the time he gets to the bar, the numbness and shock has yet to subside and he gulps heavily at his scotch. With alcohol in hand he forces himself to sit through more praise and congratulations, smiling and nodding at their condolences of the absence of the partner this tribute night was named after. His excuses for her ("she was busy", "oh, she got called away at the last minute") fell from his tongue, heavy leaden words he couldn't put any feeling behind or else he might break down right there at the bar.

Finally as things died down he excused himself and prepared to make an exit. But as he headed towards the door, a comment from a conversation nearby caught his attention. "...find out who leaked about the split?"

"Turns out, it wasn't Jerry"

"Ohh, really?"

"Mm-mm. Nope, it was somebody a little closer to the production...A farewell concert, you're a genius, Eileen"

From a few feet away, Tom stood listening. And without a single word he slipped away unnoticed by either woman.


	2. Chapter 2: Memories

The lights and scene of a bustling New York at night passes in front of unseeing eyes as Tom rests his forehead against the window of the taxi, lost in thought. He shouldn't have been surprised that Eileen would have done something like leaking information to garner sympathy votes for Bombshell, but that didn't make it hurt any less, especially when it resulted in Julia abandoning him. He had thought that even with the events of the past year, she...

Julia's last words still rung in his mind. In their eleven years together, they had fought and bickered every now and then, as most people do, but he had never felt so completely worthless. In her fervour to keep the memory of Kyle alive, she had deliberately abandoned him at a concert they had created to celebrate their friendship and everything that they had accomplished together. She hadn't even sounded conflicted, only frustrated with his apparently pitiful attempts to convince her to come.

Opening the door to his apartment, he was faced with darkness and silence. When had this become his life? He had never had the best track record with his intimate relationships. Over the years he'd had his fair share of one night stands, of sabotaging relationships before things got too serious, married to his work with Julia and afraid of the changes love might bring. It hadn't bothered him then, but ever since taking over the position as director for Bombshell Tom realized things had gotten progressively worse...one by one, people had disappeared from his life, and now it felt like it was all his fault.

Sam had rightly left him for the horrible mistakes he made trying to be both a director and a friend. His inability to make the necessary decisions had destroyed Sam's career. Then those same issues juggling his roles as director and as a friend with Ivy had led to the end of their friendship as well. Even though she had told him it was a temporary change, she and Sam had taken the whole ensemble with them. Kyle had been a brief glimmer of something good, but even if that hadn't been fleeting, chances are the competition between Bombshell and Hit List would have destroyed any chance of success. Tom stood at his piano, glass of bourbon in hand. Things had been rocky with Julia ever since her affair, but after he became director, things had quickly deteriorated until now he didn't know if there was anything salvageable from their partnership. They'd been Houston and Levitt for so long he didn't know if he could be just Levitt.

His mind drifted to when Frank had finally ended things rather dramatically at the party after they returned from Boston. Julia had looked so broken, and her words had made his heart ache.

"It all turned out so wrong...What if I can't fix it?" she had asked him. Now he couldn't help but relate to those fears. But unlike then, Julia was not there to echo what he had told her. In the darkness of the room he heard his reply.

"...I'll help you. I'm your partner."

Setting down a now empty glass on the piano, he suddenly surged to the bookshelf that contained their life's work. Binders flew across the room as he searched fervently...and upon finally finding what he was looking for, he strode back to the piano and set the binder down as he sat on the bench. His hands trembled as they caressed the front of the worn and faded cover, shook as he opened their first work together as partners. And as his fingers slowly traced out the songs, the keys grew wet and slick with his tears; his sobs drowned out the sounds of what was once supposed to be songs full of promise, now reduced to nothing but a painful reminder of everything he'd lost.

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Back at Oak Room as things wind down for the night, Eileen realizes she hasn't seen Tom since just after the show ended and she had told him the news about the Tony nomination. She catches sight of Ivy heading to the coat check and walks to follow her.

"Ivy. Have you seen Tom?"

She turns, confused. "No, I haven't seen him since the show wrapped up. Wasn't he with you earlier?"

Eileen sighed. "Yes, but I haven't seen him since. We need to go over plans for Tuesday. Excuse me...?" She signals one of the staff passing by.

"Have you seen Tom Levitt? I need to speak with him."

The woman looks at her puzzled. " left well over an hour ago. He didn't say much, just grabbed his coat and walked out."

Ivy and Eileen both looked at each other. That wasn't like their social friend, who loved to mingle and as host would usually have seen the night out until the last person left the room. Then it dawned on Eileen.

"Julia. She never showed. He seemed okay when I spoke to him after the last number, but I know things have been strained between them since she decided to do Gatsby as a play on her own. I'll call her tomorrow, convince her to apologize before this gets out of hand and blows up in all our faces."

Ivy nods, unsure and a bit worried, although she wasn't sure why. She knew that Julia hadn't been showing up to rehearsals anymore, especially after the death of Kyle, attempting to help support their rival's transition to Broadway instead of Bombshell. But the Julia she knew would never have abandoned Tom, and the Tom she knew wouldn't have left his own event so abruptly without letting anyone know why.

Eileen nods to herself, convincing no one in particular that Tom's absence was due to Julia breaking her promise in favour of their rival, and makes a mental note to call her the next day to convince her to talk to Tom. But for now, the show had gone off without a hitch, and that was all that mattered. Things could be taken care of tomorrow.

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Hit List ended to thunderous applause, and Julia smiled to herself, pleased with the reaction the crowd had to Kyle's social media interaction idea. Kyle had an infectious personality, and had wormed into her life as quickly as he had left it.

Jimmy came up to her, a flushed and exhilarated look to his face.

"It worked."

She smiled at his rather infectious enthusiasm. "Of course it did."

"Yeah! So tomorrow, I figure ah, we start writing the rest of the transitions. You know, we got twenty scenes...newsreels after all of them."

His words suddenly made Julia stop. She had agreed to help with the transition, but this...

"I'm sorry, um, I can't."

Jimmy looks at her like she's grown a third eye. "you can't what?"

She tries to put it lightly, realizing her most recent help has mislead Jimmy. "I agreed to help Derek and you transfer the show, but I don't feel comfortable writing anything."

His face starts to transform from happy to concerned. "No, no, Julia, Julia I'm not a writer, I can't do this by myself."

"Yes, you can."

"Is this about Bombshell? Cause you were totally into helping me..."

Julia raises a hand to stop him. "This was always supposed to be temporary. I have a show too and I owe it to them to be there..."

"No, I get it." He interrupts, now angry. "We're your competition."

"We're colleagues." she corrects. "But if you want Kyle's work to stand on its own, I can't be involved. The media would lose their focus and the message would get muddled because my name suddenly appears on the project."

He visibly freezes, and she knows her words finally hit home. The one thing Jimmy wanted out of all of this was simply for Kyle to be recognized. He'd do anything to protect that chance, even if it meant going at it on his own. She continues. "I won't lie and say that I wasn't involved at all, but this is the line I don't want to cross, the one that goes from merely helping out in a crisis situation to being involved as part of the creative team. I'll speak for Kyle, spread his name out, but that's the only thing I can offer."

Jimmy frowns, but nods in agreement. "So...colleagues?"

She smiles again. "Colleagues. You can do it, Jimmy, I see your genius and your talent. You remind me..." all of a sudden she thinks of Tom and their conversation, and the next words catch in her throat.

"...you remind me of Tom and I when we were first starting out." She finishes softly, suddenly overridden with a mix of emotion, some of which felt suspiciously like guilt and regret.

Jimmy looks down, his own memories of Kyle and what they had accomplished...what they could have accomplished had he not died...he looks back up. "Thanks Julia. For everything."

She smiles, leaning forward to give him a brief hug. "Go celebrate. You did great work tonight."

As leaves to return backstage, her thoughts turn back to her conversation with Tom earlier that evening. Irritation and frustration during the call turned into full blown guilt as she realized how her words had sounded, and what her actions that night had done. Suddenly she was terrified that those actions had taken things much further than she had ever intended.

She'd call Tom about it tomorrow...somehow she sensed that she would be the last person Tom would want to see that night.


	3. Chapter 3: Intermission

Monday went by in a whirlwind as Agnes and Eileen worked to build on the positive social media and put Bombshell on the forefront of people's minds. Eileen's attempt to call Julia was sidetracked and after a brief message left on her voicemail, she returns to her work, determined to beat Hit List with or without Julia's help. Ivy's morning sickness puts her out of commission, and the rest of her day is taken up with an impromptu day with Sam after taping yet another commercial as good press for Bombshell. A request from her son to finally spend some time with him distracts Julia from anything else, not wanting to miss the opportunity since Frank has been taking care of Leo.

When Tuesday finally rolled around, Eileen realized she still needed to talk to Tom about a time to meet up before they see "The Gathering Storm" later that evening. However four calls later she found herself frustrated and confused. Tom hasn't answered a single call and as it turned to late afternoon by early evening she finally found herself at wits end. Agnes walks in dressed and ready to go only to find Eileen still in work attire at her desk.

"Eileen, we need to leave if we want to make it to the show. Where's Tom?"

Eileen throws up her hands. "Exactly! I've called him five times and he hasn't answered...I just got off the phone with his assistant - apparently she hasn't heard from him all day either. It's not like Tom to not answer his phone."

Agnes crosses her arms, stopping at this. "I haven't seen him since the show Sunday night...he seemed fine."

"So did I." Eileen snaps. "But he left without telling anyone last night before the party had even ended, and now he's not returning my calls."

Agnes sighs at this. "...well, with Julia not showing up, it's not surprising...he's probably just sulking. You know Tom..." She looks at her watch. "We need to get going. Tom's a big boy, Eileen...if he needs the day off after the fiasco with Julia we should just give it to him. I can always get tickets to another show for the Tony publicity."

Eileen huffs. "Alright, let's go. I need to stop off at my apartment anyways."

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Julia and Leo walked back into the apartment, bags of takeout and groceries in hand. "Set the table, I'll wash some salad mix. We should probably eat at least one healthy thing tonight."

"Alright." Leo moves to the cupboards and starts pulling out plates and utensils.

"When do you hear about the OCC awards?" He asks, plopping down on a barstool while watching his mother put salad into a bowl and start chopping a few vegetables to put on top.

"It should be sometime tonight...I figure we can put a movie on and mindlessly refresh the website until they come up."

He looks at her. "Really, mom?"

"Well, you can watch the movie, I'll do the refreshing."

"Don't you usually do this with Tom?"

She sighs. "I think he's busy with Eileen and Agnes tonight for Bombshell publicity...seeing one of the competition to look supportive."

"Well then should you be there? You did write it together..."

Julia tosses the toppings into the salad and sits down beside Leo. "I don't think Tom really wants to see me right now, sweetie. Anyways, I wanted to spend the day with you. Tom can wait, you're more important."

Leo looks at her oddly, his brows furrowed at her words.

"Food's getting cold, let's eat."

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Later that night as they sat on the couch watching a film, Julia looks at her phone. Tom's voicemails from the night before are still on her phone, as well as a new one from Eileen. She dismisses them, reminding herself to call Eileen back in the morning, or maybe she'd stop by, to discuss the situation with Frank and get some advice.

"The awards up?" Leo mumbles, slouched and buried into the couch beside her.

"I haven't checked yet..." Julia switches her phone to check the site. Suddenly she sits up, and Leo who is displaced by the sudden movement sits up as well.

"Are they up? Did you win?"

Her eyes flicker across the small screen, scrolling down rapidly to look at everything. She smiles. "Best book! I got best book!"

Leo smiles at her excitement, happy for his mother. She curls an arm around his shoulders and pulls him into a one-armed hug. He leans to look at her phone. "Who are all the winners?"

She shrugged as she finished reading. "A lot of them were Hit List...but Tom tied with Derek for Best Direction."

"Awesome! I'm surprised he hasn't called."

"The play doesn't get out for another hour. He'll probably call then." She says kissing his forehead, although a part of her secretly doubts this, especially after Sunday night.

As they finish the movie and Leo heads up to his room to call it a night, her phone sits on the island as Julia is finishing the dishes in the kitchen.

No one had called, even after she knew the show had gotten out long ago. Looking at her phone pensively, she dried off the last dish, then stood staring at the innocent square sitting on the counter. Mind decided, she picks it up and listens to the messages. The ones from Tom grew from mild irritation to hissed anger, and she quickly deleted them, not wanting to deal with the rising guilt inside her. She finally reached Eileen's message.

"Julia. We need to talk. Call me when you get this."

She sighs, looking at the time, but hits redial anyways. Eileen kept long hours, chances are she was still up. Sure enough, the phone only rang once before she heard Eileen's exasperated voice on the other end of the line.

"Julia, finally."

"Hi Eileen...you needed to get a hold of me?" Even though they weren't even in the same room, Julia felt herself wince at Eileen's tone.

"What I NEED is to get a hold of Tom, but I wanted to speak with you as well."

Julia frowned in confusion at her words. "Wait, what do you mean by that? I thought you guys had that publicity thing tonight."

"He never showed up, like a certain someone did Sunday night...this better not be a trend between you two. The press are already having a field day over your little spats, and-"

"I told Tom that I wasn't coming Sunday night."

Eileen suddenly is silent. After a few seconds, her tone changes, guarded and suspiciously calm she queries "Oh, really? Tom had given us the impression you had been on your way, then never showed."

Any guilt Julia had been feeling earlier is pushed down by a sudden surge of irritation. Why couldn't Tom ever grow a spine? "No. I TOLD Tom that I had to stay and see out some things for Hit List that night. I know it was last minute, but since apparently our break up got leaked out, I thought he could live without my singing a number that didn't fit in with his show, since he changed it without telling me."

"Well perhaps you would have know had you actually shown up at any of the rehearsals this past week." Eileen's voice holds a dangerous edge to it.

"We aren't partners anymore Eileen. And I had obligations to Hit List..."

"You have *obligations* to Bombshell. This is YOUR show. That takes precedent over any other work. We have a real shot at the Tony's, Julia. Something we've dreamed of since Bombshell got started."

Julia sighs, putting a hand over her eyes. Eileen wasn't wrong, but she hated admitting that she'd made a mistake.

"I know. I know. I made a mistake, alright? But I'm not sorry for helping Hit List. Kyle deserves his work to be recognized."

"It doesn't look like it needs your help. Hit List swept the OCCs."

"I know. But regardless...Tom and I are dissolving the partnership, Eileen, we're heading in different directions. And trying to get Gatsby written, and divorce proceedings with Frank..."

"How is that going by the way?"

"I don't know...Frank seems agreeable some days and hell bent to get me on others. We're looking into …., but he hasn't decided."

Eileen sighs. "I'm sorry the proceedings with Frank aren't going well. My divorce was a horror show."

"If you want my lawyer, I'll give her your number. She's a pit bull." Julia can just see Eileen smiling wickedly as she says this.

"Ugh, Eileen, we have lost so much for this show...Do you ever wonder if it's worth it?"

A pause. "Every day. I lost my house, I lost my money, I lost Nick."

The line is silent as they both reflect on the past year.

"I am sorry, about being so absent from Bombshell the past few weeks."

She hears Eileen let out a huff of exasperation over the phone. "Well, maybe you should tell that to Tom. If you can get a hold of him, anyways. He hasn't answered a single call since Sunday's performance."

Julia winces, guilt back as the conversation she'd had with Tom playing back in the forefront of her mind. "I'll stop by his place first thing in the morning." she promises. "Straighten things out."

"You'd better. The OCC luncheon is tomorrow. I expect both of you to be there on time and looking as if all of this had never happened. Hit List may have swept this round, but that doesn't mean we'll let them take the Tonys. I refuse to let Jerry win."

Julia smiles at this last statement. "Alright, we'll be there. Goodnight, Eileen."

"Goodnight."

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Derek's life couldn't possibly get any worse. Daisy Parker had destroyed his entire world when he made the stupid decision to proposition to her, and now he was left with nothing. Taking a deep gulp from an indiscriminate bottle of booze (he'd drunk so much he couldn't even tell what it was at this point) he suddenly became aware of the pounding fist hammering at his door, interrupting his quiet contemplations with his bottle. Suddenly furious—at what he didn't quite know—he unsteadily rises up with bottle in hand and marches to the door, flinging it open to reveal...

Tom. A distraught and equally drunk looking Tom.

Well. Life apparently could get worse.


	4. Chapter 4: Drowning Sorrows

**Author's note:** Well, I'm just chugging away at this, aren't I? It'll hit 10,000 words pretty soon with the next couple chapters if they're as long as this one. Obviously this is my idea and I'm going to make the end decision on what goes out and how it evolves, but comments and constructive critiques on the plot or ideas...typos...all are always appreciated. I've been switching in and out of past/present tense, but hopefully in a way that hasn't been too confusing or just plain wrong.

For those who do enjoy the story, next chapter probably won't go up until Friday/Saturday. Have a great week everyone~ 

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They stare at each other until Derek finally sighs, shoulders slumping as he realizes that the stubborn look on Tom's face means he probably wouldn't be going away any time soon. Then there was the lost look in his eyes, pleading at him like a puppy dog...he caved.

"Oh bloody hell...bet mine is worse than yours." he shakes his head at the sorry sight in front of him. "I hope you brought your own booze..."

He turns without looking and lets Tom silently follow him in, shutting the door behind him. Derek walks over to the couch and slumps down into the cushions, vaguely gesturing to the open space and letting Tom pick his spot next to him. After taking a large swig, he hands him the bottle.

"Of all the people I expected, you were pretty much at the bottom of the list, Tom."

Tom stares at the bottle in his hand, glassy-eyed and distraught. They sit in silence until finally a soft question slips from Tom's lips, so quiet Derek almost didn't hear him.

"How do you do it? How do you keep being...well, you...when everyone eventually ends up hating you?"

He scoffs, reaching to the coffee table to grab another open bottle. "Well, apparently, I do something like this." he says sarcastically, taking another swig.

Derek looks over at Tom. "Do you really think I'm that big of an unfeeling bastard that their opinions don't hurt?" Tom finally turns to look him in the eye, opening his mouth but then upon meeting his gaze closes it, mute.

"I'm still human, as crazy as that may sound to you. It still hurts..." Derek drifts off and looks out into the dark, taking another pull. "God. I'm such a bloody prick...I never do the right thing..."

Tom snorts quietly into his bottle. "Well, I thought you did the right thing leaving Bombshell. But I'm not so sure now..."

Derek sits up a little bit to face Tom, who pointedly ignores Derek squinting at him, surprised by his words and foggily trying to think of what current events could have possibly have led to Tom's slipped admission. Tom finally gives in to the piercing gaze, looking over at Derek then away. "I said it, okay? Not going to say it again. I just..." Tom's eyes get blurry and he sniffles as his gaze drops down to his bottle.

"Things seemed to be going well for Bombshell. At least Julia never men-" Derek stopped, seeing Tom's head bow further and his fist clench around the bottle, the other reaching up to run trembling fingers through his hair in an effort to hide his tears. Suddenly it hit him.

"Julia. Bloody hell."

A bark of laughter escapes from Tom, even through the tears. He looks over at Derek. "You know, I thought this was going to be fun? That maybe taking over Bombshell would let Julia and I finally get back on our feet, get the show to Broadway? Well, it got the show to Broadway, but I never thought it would destroy everything else in the process."

The bottle slips from his fingers to thud onto the floor as Tom curls in on himself, lowering his head almost to his knees and holding his head in his hands. "I just..."

Derek watches Tom struggle to keep from completely breaking down, and for the first time he doesn't know what to say. He and Tom had a long history together, and despite the often vicious and downright cruel things they had said and done to each other in recent years, at one point they had been close friends and collaborators. This was a side of Tom he'd never seen, more vulnerable and broken and so very unlike the fierce and spirited composer he had known.

"You know what she said to me, when she didn't show up to the tribute performance?" Tom twists his head to face Derek. "She told me that she was relieved...RELIEVED that everyone knew we were splitting up, so she didn't have to come and keep up appearances." He blurts out shakily. "Like...like our partnership had meant nothing to her. That I meant nothing to her. After everything that's happened since Bombshell started, I never thought she'd abandon me again. When she ran out on our anniversary, it was because of Frank. Even her decision to do Gatsby, I - but this...she didn't even care...why didn't she care?"

He looks at Derek, eyes pleading for help in understanding how his world had so quickly collapsed around him.

Derek glances down, unsure of what to say. "...I don't know, Tom...I'm sorry."

Tom sits back, running a hand over his face, staring out at windows revealing the dim lights of the city surrounding them. The city was almost silent in the late hours of the night. "I did everything for her...helped support her with Frank, carried her and the show for so long...but now I don't know what to do anymore. Being director, all I ever did was ruin things. Screwed up my relationship with Sam...Ivy...now that Julia's gone, there's no one left. And I don't even know if any of it was worth it." He says, lifting his hands up in wordless supplication, letting them fall lifelessly back into his lap.

"Every rehearsal, every show just reminds me of the things I lost in the process."

Derek sighs. Tom's words echoed his own thoughts, even if for different reasons. "I royally screwed up." he admits. "In some regards, you were able to do more with Bombshell as director than I ever could have. I lost the vision...did some stupid things of my own as director for Hit List..." He notices Tom has stopped to stare at him. He lets out an exasperated huff. "Yes, I said it, don't make me repeat myself." he mimics, raising an eyebrow at Tom. "I saw Bombshell on opening night, and...it was amazing. That was all your doing. You make a good director, Tom..."

A small smile twitches at the corners of Tom's lips. "Who are you and what have you done with Derek Wills?"

Derek sits up, setting the bottle down on the coffee table before facing Tom. "You and I may have our differences...we don't exactly see eye to eye over things..." a small bark of laughter escapes from Tom at this, and Derek nods in agreement. "...little though you may appreciate anything I have to say after the things that have happened between us, you'll always have my respect. I wouldn't have agreed to work with you if I didn't acknowledge your talent, let alone let you into my apartment at this bloody hour."

Tom is quiet at this, nodding softly at Derek's words. Suddenly Derek remembers what he had seen checking his tablet earlier that night.

"We won the OCC award by the way. Co-won, for best direction." He said glibly, waving a hand in the direction of his tablet on the coffee table. The look of shock on Tom's face was amusing.

"You're kidding." Tom said finally.

Derek looked at him feeling vaguely proud of himself, more for the surprised look on Tom's face than the thrill of actually winning. Enjoying himself (albeit through a drunken stupor) for the first time since Daisy Parker had brought the world crashing around his ears, and Tom was the source. That thought floored him.

Tom takes another gulp of the bottle. "Well." He says simply, looking away into the distance as his mind tries to process the turn of events. A thought occurs to him, and he turns back to look at Derek. "What was the thing you thought would top mine? When I first came in?"

Derek sighs, any positive emotion fleeing with the sudden query. He explained how Daisy Parker had blackmailed him after tricking him into propositioning to her and had led to Ana and Karen confronting him. Jerry had gotten the notification earlier that day and had ripped into him only a short time after Ana and Karen, hence the drunken state Tom had found him in when he arrived.

"You're not the only one whose world just imploded on itself." He grumbled, taking a pull of his almost empty bottle, although he knew any indignation he felt was because he wasn't used to admitting he had been in the wrong. "My agent is refusing to answer any of my calls, no one is going to want to touch me after this is done." He sighs deeply. "I know what I need to do, but this...this will end me. I don't want it to bring down Hit List too, not right before the Tonys, not after Kyle..."

Tom, who has been quiet at Derek's confession, nods empathetically. Even without the media eating him alive at the news, knowledge of his actions would destroy his credibility with the very people he depended on to direct, and the reputation of Hit List. It had already caused issues when they had worked on the concert, but this...

"Okay, you win." He admits. "I honestly...wow..."

They sit there, both lost in thought over the events of the past few months.

Then Tom quirks his head, a thought coming to him. "Well, this win was really only thanks to you." He looks at Derek solemnly. "I wouldn't be receiving an award if you hadn't made that crazy leap and quit Bombshell. And...even though you and I go together about as well as Lena Dunham and a bra, uh, I've learned a tremendous amount about the art of directing from you."

Now it was Derek's turn to stare blankly at the other's words, and Tom smiles softly at the role-reversal. "If I ever do get the chance to direct again...you'll be the first person I'll call to compose the music for it."

They both chuckle at this, and Derek looks up carelessly at the wall as he polishes off the rest of the bottle and reaches for another. The dawn has begun to slowly light the world outside – they've drunk their way through the darkest part of night.

"Ceremony's in a bit..." he muses. "you going?"

"...Not a chance. You?"

"Not exactly high up on my to do list..." he shrugs. "More scotch?"

"Sure, thanks."

Derek leans forward and snags a new bottle and a couple errant glasses off of the coffee table. They raise their hands to toast each other's mutually accepted method of avoiding having to deal with life's issues, even for a little while longer, and watch as the new day dawns in agreeable silence.

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Later that morning, Julia walks up to Tom's apartment complex, looking up at the building in growing apprehension. She didn't know what she was going to say to Tom, but she knew it needed to be done, otherwise Eileen would be out for her blood. Sighing to herself at her cowardice, she strides into the building and lifts up to his floor. She still had the spare keys that Tom had entrusted with her when he first bought the flat, not long after their first musical success on Broadway, but she knocked anyways, timidly at first, the louder as she got no response.

"Tom?" She called out. He must be sleeping still, she thought with a sigh, reluctantly fishing out the keys and opening the door. The apartment was still and silent as she entered, shouldering her bag and walking forward towards the bedroom. All of a sudden she slowed at something odd she caught out of the corner of her eye. What the...

Turning to look at the den, her heart stopped.

"Tom?"


	5. Chapter 5: Missing and Suspicions

**Author's note:** Re-reading the first four chapters, I have become cognizant of quite a few grammatical errors and little nit-picky things I'll be changing in the next few days. I can definitely understand why having a beta is so crucial to good writing, but alas I haven't really pursued that path yet and probably won't seek one out until things calm down in other areas of my life.

I would like to give a shout out to the one and only follower for this fanfic, haha. You're awesome - I hope this story continues to be of interest for you. After this chapter, we're going to start getting into more Tom/Derek and Tom/Ivy comfort part of the hurt/comfort...as I estimate it now, there will probably be eight to nine chapters total...I'd love to take it through to the Tony nominations, but don't know if it's going to be necessary to add the Tony's and the stuff from the last episode the way this story-arc is building. We'll get there when we get there I suppose, but for now, enjoy!

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chapter 5: Missing and Suspicions

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Julia's mind whirls with shock and horror as she takes in her surroundings. Books had been torn from shelves and tossed clear into the sitting room, miscellaneous papers and objects strewn across the floor, the piano bench lying sideways, and a shattered glass a few feet from the piano. The sitting room cushions had been tossed about the floor, pictures knocked over and bottles of alcohol spread across the small coffee table in front of the couch. Tom. Where was Tom?

She rushed into the hallway and pushed his bedroom door open to find the room empty, bed unmade and looking like no one had slept there in several days. The other rooms were untouched, but also empty. She fumbles for her phone, hurriedly dialling Tom's number. A faint ringing emanates from the study, and under a pile of papers she finds his phone innocently lying on the floor. Her hands shake as she gently picks up his phone, numbly staring at it. His keys and wallet hadn't been in the dish in the hallway, so then why was his phone here? Had he been attacked? Robbed?

Julia didn't know what to do. She dials Eileen, kneeling to look at the papers on the floor, noticing for the first time they were pages from the many projects they had worked on over the years, most looking like they had been torn and ripped from their binders, others in clumps where they had fallen out all at once and laid in small piles with the binder flung haphazardly on top. To Julia's relief the dial tone rang only once before Eileen picked up.

"Julia?"

"Tom's not here." She blurts out as she stands back up, papers in hand.

"Not here? What do you mean, not here?" Eileen says, surprise evident in her voice.

"I mean he's not HERE at his apartment, Eileen - his place is a mess! It looks like someone tore apart the study and sitting room. I thought he might have been robbed, but the rest of his apartment is untouched, and nothing looks like it's missing."

She steps around papers and scattered objects to set the piano bench upright and sits on it heavily, still staring around at the space in shock.

"His cell phone is here, Eileen. It's been long enough the battery's almost dead. He never leaves without his cell phone...when was the last time anyone saw or heard from him?"

"I haven't been able to get a hold of him since the tribute night – he left rather abruptly after the show was over. I thought things had gone well, but he left before the party was even over..." Eileen confessed.

As Julia listens, her gaze draws from the phone in her hand up to the piano. Spread across it was their first work, the opening number to Three on a Match, and her breath catches in her throat.

"It was me. He left because of me. Oh God, what did I do? What if he..." unadulterated fear as she considers the possibility...No. Not so soon after they lost Kyle. Tom wouldn't, would he?

Hearing the question unfinished, Eileen tries to calm Julia before they both panicked. "We don't know anything at the moment, except that he's not in his apartment and he left his phone. You said it was a mess in the study, he could have been angry, stormed off, but that doesn't mean anything else. What if he decided to show up at the awards today? I'll notify the police, but we should keep calm and go to the awards luncheon to see if he didn't just spend the night somewhere else and head out directly from there."

Julia gulps, trying to get a hold of herself.

"Okay. Okay. I'm going to check in with a couple people, wait to see if he doesn't come to the apartment before the luncheon because he was out somewhere last night."

"Then I'll call his assistant. I'll see you in a few hours, Julia, let me know if you find him."

"You too. Bye, Eileen."

Neither woman had any luck. A few hours later at the luncheon, Julia strides in and makes a beeline for the bar, where both Eileen and Agnes sit conversing quietly with each other.

"Is he here?"

Agnes looks pained as Eileen shakes her head in the negative. "His assistant hasn't heard from him the past two days, and didn't show up for a morning meeting to go over details for the show later this evening."

Julia looked between her and Agnes. "Should we cancel the show tonight? What if he's hurt, we don't know where he is—"

Agnes interrupts. "Cancelling the show would just send the whole production into a panic, and alert the media. If they get word of this now, after the news of your breakup..."

"The fact of the matter is, the show is strong enough to run on its own." Eileen places her glass on the counter, frowning at Agnes, who stops what she had begun to say before Eileen had interrupted.

"Tom is what's most important right now. Without his cell, we have no way of reaching him and very little hope in finding him. The police are useless. They said we won't be able to file a missing person's report for another 24 hours to meet their requirements, because there's no evidence or proof that his life is in danger."

"What? No PROOF? His flat—" Julia stutters.

"I know. But that is what they told me. I'll go down to the station after the luncheon with my lawyer to try and change their minds, but who knows if they'll actually do anything beyond accepting the report."

"Hey guys, what's up?"

Ivy walks over from the entrance, noting the strained and worried looks on their faces. "Is something wrong?"

"Ivy. Yes...have you heard from Tom by any chance?" Julia asks earnestly, hopeful that maybe his best friend may know where he had gone.

Ivy looks surprised, but shakes her head. "No...not since Sunday at the revue. We aren't really... spending time together lately, with Tom directing Bombshell and everything."

Now all three of them let out a frustrated sigh. Another dead end.

Ivy looks at them, a strange expression on her face as she starts to catch on to their earlier conversation.

"...where is Tom? Shouldn't he be here already?" She asks suspiciously.

"No one has seen him...for two days." Eileen admits quietly.

"WHAT?" Ivy lets out, and quickly changes her voice to a hushed whisper as they glare at her volume, a few heads turning at the exclamation. "Where is he? He just WON an award, why isn't he here?"

"We don't know," Eileen hisses back "he hasn't been in contact with *anyone*, and Julia found his cell phone almost dead and his flat trashed earlier this morning."

Ivy's eyebrows go up at this. "Did you call the cops? Why would he have—"

"We're filing a report later today" Julia sighs. "It was my fault, I..."

An announcer asks everyone to take their seats, and Eileen stands from leaning against the bar. "I'd better go let them know he isn't here...we'll have to finish this discussion after." Ivy stands there for a minute, staring at Julia's back as she headed towards their table. What had happened to Tom? She knew Julia's divorce had caused tensions between the two, but after he had taken on director of Bombshell she hadn't gotten the chance to really talk with Tom about things, especially after the birthday fiasco. He had withdrawn, and so had she.

Now feelings of guilt crept up at her refusal to spend time with him outside of their professional relationship with Bombshell. Really she had meant to get back to spending time with him after opening night, but with the media and work she had done to try and convince them she was back on track, she hadn't gotten around to it. Where would he have gone, if he had been hurt by Julia's absence during the tribute night? Who would he have gone to, besides her?

The luncheon starts, and everyone gets seated. The table for Hit List is packed, but with one empty chair. No one was surprised to see that Derek had decided to not show up. Jerry had told Karen and Jimmy of Derek's actions and Ana's lawsuit, but they had mutually agreed to keep silent on the matter to try and keep things from blowing out of hand so soon before the Tony nominations.

After Julia's speech, the announcement that neither Derek nor Tom were present to accept their awards left both tables swivelling their heads towards the other in surprise.

Ivy caught Karen's eye and motions to speak with her in the back. She gives a slight nod, confused, but moves to follow her as Ivy gets up and walks to the a small table in the back of the bar.

"Where is Derek?" she asks quietly.

Karen looks at her oddly. "Why do you ask? Where's Tom?" She responds glibly.

Ivy gives her a look. "I was asking nicely, because I'm concerned. Derek wouldn't have missed receiving an important award like this. Is something going on with Hit List?"

Now Jimmy has moved to the back of the room, drawn by their quiet disappearance.

"What's going on?" he asks Karen quietly, glaring at Ivy.

"I was just asking her where Derek was." Ivy explains, exasperated at Karen's guard dog.

"It's none of your business" he snaps back. "Anyways, we don't need that loser here, not after what he did to Ana."

Now Julia stalks up to the table, an irritated expression on her face.

"What are you all doing? There are awards going on, and you..."

"and you. Stop mentioning Kyle every chance you get, yeah? The media thinks—" Jimmy turns to face Julia now, angry from the earlier interview and Julia's comments during her award speech.

"What? That I helped Kyle? Because I did. The media blows everything out of proportion, you shouldn't be so offended—" she interjects in a hissed voice.

"You just stay away from Hit List—" he says between coughs.

"ALL OF YOU. What are you DOING?" Eileen's voice is quiet, but her tone is furious and commanding. "Get back to your seats, all of you. We are professionals, my God."

Not so subtle glares are traded as they all grudgingly move back to their seats.

After the awards presentation, Julia, Ivy, Eileen, and Agnes all move back into a corner.

Agnes lets out a frustrated huff. "This is a nightmare..."

Eileen nods in agreement. "I'll go meet with the lawyer and head down to the station. Agnes, keep contacting people Tom knows, but be cautious, and keep an eye on the media. We'll need to be careful as we proceed. Julia, you'll need to step in tonight at Bombshell..."

Julia is distressed by this command. "Eileen. I should be out there looking for Tom—"

Karen walks over, and they all stop talking. "Where's Tom?" she asks shyly. "I know...he didn't show up for his award, is something wrong?"

Ivy glares at her, but it's Eileen who responds. "No, of course nothing is wrong. Tom..." she makes a decision, and speaks cautiously. "You wouldn't have happened to hear from him in the past few days, would you?"

Julia's head whips to stare at Eileen, but she ignores her furious gaze and instead focuses her eyes on Karen, who looks confused. "No, I haven't spoken with him since leaving Bombshell. Derek didn't show up either, do you think maybe—"

Julia interrupts dismissively "Tom and Derek hate each other, I doubt Derek would know where Tom is..."

Karen tries again "No, I didn't mea...I mean, things have been getting—"

Eileen also interrupts, holding a hand up to silence Karen. "Tom and Derek may have been friends a long time ago, but he's the last person Tom would seek out. Why is Derek not here?" She asks Karen, suddenly curious.

"Ah..." Karen looks embarrassed, but quietly explains. "Derek got blackmailed by Daisy to remove Ana from the role of Diva...Jerry and Jimmy are furious. I'm kind of not surprised he didn't show."

Eileen sighs at her news. She loved Derek, but sometimes...

Julia brings them all back on point. "As much as I'd love to hear how else Derek has managed to mess things up with another dancer, we Need. To. Find. Tom. I'm going to go back to his apartment, to wait and see if he'll show up there. Eileen? Agnes?"

Eileen nods. "I'm off then. If anyone hears from Tom, alert me immediately."

Agnes also nods and moves to head off with Eileen. Julia turns to Ivy. "The show tonight...can you handle things?"

Ivy nods, still worried but thinking. "It's a matinee tonight," she comments absently, "I should get going if I want to speak with Kathy before half-hour." Julia smiles tightly at her and bids her good luck before leaving. Now only Ivy and Karen are left.

"I'm sorry about Tom..." Karen begins hesitantly.

"It's alright. We'll find him." Ivy says with confidence she doesn't feel.

"Good luck with the Tony nominations...I'll see you later, I guess?" Karen says, sensing the conversation is over.

Ivy gives her a small smile. "See you later."

As Karen wanders back to Jimmy, Ivy starts walking towards the exit, lost in thought at Karen's words. She had started to say something about Derek and Tom...even though Derek had left Bombshell, she had heard Tom had gone to Derek for advice, having been seen with Julia at Hit List during one of their rehearsals, Sam had mentioned in a passing complaint.

She had also heard Tom admit they had been quite close before their fallout eleven years ago. Tom had actually gotten started with Derek, collaborated with him through college until that incident which had driven Tom and Derek apart and led him to discover Julia. Karen's unfinished sentence made her wonder...had they started to reconcile since Derek had parted Bombshell?

She wouldn't bother going back to speak with Karen, not with rehearsal and a show in a few hours. Ivy got her coat and left the building, thinking about the chance that she and everyone else had missed something important.


	6. Chapter 6: Disappointment

Later that evening after the show, Ivy walks into Derek's apartment after having charmed the doorman into giving her the spare key. She and the assistant had heard nothing from either Julia or Eileen, and it had been hard to come up with an excuse for Tom's absence, but they had managed it somehow, and had even cancelled the next day's rehearsal under the guise of giving everyone a break after Tom had called in "sick" due to being overworked.

Derek sits on the living room floor leaning up against the couch, looking forlorn and lost in thought, a wine bottle in hand. She crosses her arms and sighs. "You know where Tom is, don't you? The two of you missed the award ceremony, by the way."

He vaguely waves a hand towards the bedroom. "What a lightweight...poor sod is sleeping it off." he chuckles to himself, still enjoying the effects no sleep and of being well and thoroughly drunk. "Even totally smashed he still demanded the largest bed in the place, so he's in mine."

"Why you?" Her question catches his attention, and Derek twists his head to look at Ivy standing at the end of the couch.

"Why what?"

She repeats herself, arms crossed. "Why did Tom come to you of all people? I thought you guys hated each other." Ivy say bluntly.

Derek snorts as this. "We do, don't we? Get along like water and flame most days..." he drifts off, taking another sip from the wine bottle.

Ivy raises an eyebrow at this, and waits until Derek continues, sighing at her expression.

"You know, despite the bickering and fighting Tom and I do...pretty much every time we speak to each other, really...we were close collaborators for years." He half explains, taking a sip of wine. Ivy nods at this, having heard a little about their past workings together from Tom. Derek clears his throat before going on.

"Even after everything that's happened—back then and now—we still work well together, when we get down to it. He's not afraid to calls me out on all the stupid things I manage to do, and I do the same for him when he's being a spineless ponce." This makes Ivy smile. "We may not go about it in the greatest manner, but...it's not hate. We respect each other, so much that we're also brutally honest." He stares down at the bottle in his hand, pausing as he gathers his thoughts then angles his head to look back up at her.

"There's not a better composer in the business, and I'd like to think he acknowledges my talent as a director. Won't get either of us to admit that in public, but it's true nonetheless." He grudgingly allows.

She moves to sit down next to him, taking the bottle from his hand and setting it aside. "So what happened? When did he show up? Eileen says he's been missing for two days. You two can't have been here drinking the entire time..."

Derek groans as he lifts himself from the floor and onto the seat next to Ivy, flinging his arms over the back of the couch and leaning his head back against the top, staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know where he was beforehand, but he showed up last night, already pissed drunk and pitiful..."

Ivy sighed. "Did he say why? I haven't gotten the chance to speak with him for a while. Things seemed...fine. At least with Bombshell."

He looks at her, an eyebrow quirked in surprise at the fact that she hasn't put two and two together.

"Julia. Amongst other things..."

Ivy curses herself for being so forgetful. Must be the pregnancy...she knew at the end of the tribute night when it had been clear Julia hadn't shown up and Tom had left abruptly that things were tense, but she hadn't realized how bad it had gotten. But Julia had been so distraught at Tom's disappearance...or was it guilt?

Speaking of disappearances..."So why weren't you at the awards luncheon today? Karen mentioned something about you and Ana...the diva role with Daisy Parker?" Ivy crosses her arms, expecting the worst.

Derek groans, covering his face with an arm.

"Oh God...what did you hear?"

Ivy frowns. "You fired Ana? Because she wouldn't sleep with you?" She scoffs to herself, remembering how disgusted she had felt when Derek had been under fire the first time. Why did any of his actions still surprise her anyways?

Derek slowly lets his arm drop, face dejected as he sees the expression on her face. "You have no idea, do you?"

Now Ivy starts to really worry. "What have you done?"

He explains how Daisy Parker had approached him, tricked him and he had fallen right into her trap, forced to give her the role of Diva and fire Ana. Now that Ana was suing him and the show, there was only one way to make things right, by telling the truth.

Derek couldn't meet Ivy's gaze as he spoke. By the end of his explanation, his head was in his hands, afraid to even look her way.

"It'll ruin me, but God...part of me knows I deserve it. I've been trying to make it right, reached out to find Ana another position in the meantime, but if word gets out about the lawsuit, I'll never get hired again. I'm finished, even if I do go public and let everyone know about the blackmail...I'll never be seen as the victim, not with my history."

Ivy was so disappointed. Derek had never done the right thing, and this only further cemented the argument.

"So? Start kicking...I know you're thinking it." he mumbled into his palms.

She sighs, frustrated. "I'm thinking that you're a colossal jerk, Derek. You've never done the right thing, you bluff and put on this show as a director that's so completely unnecessary...and every time you do it, you hurt me."

"Ivy..."

"No. You don't get to talk, just listen." She twists to stare at him, even though he refuses to look at her.

"You...all these games, all the lies...it hurts." She pauses. "...but I still love you. You hurt me, but I hurt you too. I—" she stops abruptly, not sure if she should say it.

He turns his head to look at her now, surprised by her sudden silence.

Ivy looks at his lost and drunken expression, and suddenly realizes that this is not how she wants to have this conversation. The discussion could wait until the morning...she needed to check on Tom anyways. Ivy lets out a deep breath.

"This can wait until you're sober. I think it's time to go to bed..." She slowly takes his arm and helps him to stand, too inebriated and stunned by her lack of anger to argue. As he wobbles, she looks to the stairs that would lead to the guest bedrooms. Chances were slim that she could get him up there without the both of them breaking their necks.

Making a decision, she leads him into his bedroom, finally seeing Tom for the first time since Sunday night curled up on one side of the large bed with an empty bottle clutched to his chest. She noted the tear-tracks and furrowed stress lines etched into his face even in sleep.

"I'm not—" Derek drunkenly starts, but Ivy interrupts his protest "Not getting some sleep? That's exactly what you're doing. Onto the bed." She orders, leading him to the unoccupied side. "I'll be right back, I need to call Eileen and call off the search."

Derek sighs to himself, too tired to object any more vehemently, and gives in to sharing a bed with Tom of all people. And why not? Crazier things had already happened that night, he might as well give in to it all.

Ivy walks out of the bedroom to grab her purse, left by the couch. Dialling, she looks out at the dark city, trying not to become overwhelmed by the events of the day.

"Ivy?" Eileen's voice suddenly knocks her from her thoughts.

"Eileen." She takes a deep breath. "I found Tom. He's alright—"

"Oh thank God. Where WAS he? Where did you find him?" Eileen's voice is anxious and relieved all at the same time.

She exhales, still not quite believing it herself. "He's at Derek's. I don't know where he was beforehand, but apparently he showed up last night. They spent the day trying to drown their sorrows in what looks like Derek's entire collection of alcohol...maybe a little extra." she comments, looking about the room.

The phone is silent, and she can tell Eileen is shocked by the news.

"He's alright...they both are, just sleeping it off for now. I'm going to stay with them, talk to Tom in the morning..."

"Okay. I need to call back the cops, get a hold of Julia...keep me posted?" Eileen asks, sounding preoccupied now that the shock had worn off. Details could wait until later, there was a lot she had to do with the news that Tom had been found safe.

"Of course...but, um...Eileen?" Ivy pauses, unsure if she should be asking this, but remembering Derek's comment gathers her courage.

"Yes?"

"...can...can you keep where I found Tom a secret? Just for now...I don't know what's going on between him and Julia, but I'm not sure if he's in the right mindset to talk with her right now..."

Eileen exhales deeply, her own actions leading to this fiasco on the forefront of her mind.

"I'll make sure Julia knows what she needs to know...rehearsals will still be cancelled tomorrow, to give us a chance to figure out what to do..."

"Thanks Eileen. I'll call you tomorrow morning, let you know how things go."

She and Eileen bid each other goodnight. Putting her phone back, she realizes just how utterly exhausted she feels. Rather than try and set up a space on the couch which is sticky with alcohol, she nabs a couple throw blankets and returns to the bedroom where both her boys are past out, Tom still curled up and Derek snoring softly on his side, facing inwards. The king size bed is big enough, she thinks to herself sluggishly, and besides, the thought of Derek and Tom waking face to face while amusing probably wasn't the best idea. She covers each of the two men with blankets before sliding off her heels and crawling into the middle, taking a throw of her own and snuggles into it, quickly drifting off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7: Courage

Author's Notes:

Hooray, I now have exactly TWO followers for this story! No reviews, so I have no idea what folks think of this story/how the plot is developing, but that's okay. It's almost done, perhaps 3 more chapters max, although that partially depends on the amount of conversation that will go into certain events...definitely a bit AU, messing with Ivy/Derek's relationship a bit but will stay mostly true to the last few episodes of season 2. The readers of my story "Round Peg in a Square Hole" over in the Firefly community are getting a bit antsy, so the next chapter may take a while to put out, even though it's mostly written.

have a great week, everyone, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Chapter 7: Courage

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Tom wakes up face to face with a slumbering Ivy, makeup and clothing still on with a strangely familiar arm slung over her waist...Derek. Wait, Derek?

He yelps in shock and pushes back...only to fall off the edge of the bed with a resounding thump. Ivy's eyes snap open at his rather unmanly exclamation and tries to prop herself up with a groan, the heavy arm preventing her from seeing where Tom landed. Suddenly the arm moves, curling further around her waist to pull her back down and snug against Derek as he mutters behind her.

"Drama queen...at least you didn't wake up face to face with me, Tom..." Even exhausted and hung over Derek still managed to be snarky.

Tom's head pops up from the edge of the bed to look at Ivy and Derek again, eyes wide and hair disheveled, until he finally processes Derek's words and succumbs to his own hangover, groaning as he disappears to lie back on the floor.

"Tom, come on, get back on the bed. The floor probably isn't comfortable when you're hung over..." Ivy says drowsily.

As Tom grunts and drags himself back onto the bed, he faces Ivy with a look of groggy confusion.

"What are you doing here?" he mumbles, relishing the comfort of the bed in comparison to the hardwood floor he had landed on moments ago.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "You were MISSING. Not returning Eileen's phone calls? Julia said your apartment was trashed...people were WORRIED. **I** was worried." She replied bluntly.

Tom stares dully into the sheets, unable to meet her gaze. "I..." he starts.

"After everything that's happened, especially after Kyle, we thought...we were so worried something had happened to you, Tom." Ivy explains softly. At her words, Tom looks up, expression haunted.

"I'd never...I just...I was just so lonely after taking over director. You and Sam...then JULIA...I couldn't..." Tom's eyes well up with tears as he remembers the events of the past few days.

Derek's arm slides away as Ivy reaches out. "Oh Tom..."

He sniffles, letting her pull him into an embrace, an arm clinging to her side, trying to hide the noise of his tears.

"Julia left me...I just couldn't...couldn't do it anymore..." he brokenly whispers between sobs.

Derek props himself up, leaning against the headboard to look down at the two and runs a hand through touseled hair.

"Part of that was my fault," he admits. "I asked for Julia's help with Hit List...we were desperate to get the show fixed...then even more so after Kyle died."

Ivy feels Tom shake his head, tucked under her chin. She leans back a bit and lifts an arm to gently brush his hair off his forehead.

"Things started even before that. They started getting difficult as soon as Julia started her affair. It's just with Gatsby, and then the tribute night..." he drifts off, looking back up at Ivy. "I've lost her," he confides with a pained expression "...we've been partners for almost twelve years...our tribute night...it was to celebrate everything we had done, and she ignored it like it was nothing." he exclaims with a choked sob.

Ivy says nothing, just embraces him closer, letting him find comfort in her arms. She felt guilty at having not seen how hurt he had been that night...the days before it. After Tom had carried Julia through the worst part of her divorce, it was ironic that now he was experiencing something eerily similar when Julia chose to help Hit List over Bombshell.

Still...Julia had been utterly distraught and panicked when they had realized that no one knew where Tom had gone. The guilt she thought she'd seen earlier was probably just that – she didn't doubt that Julia had guessed who had been the main cause of Tom's dissapearance, and felt responsible.

Derek voiced what she couldn't. "You'll have to speak with her eventually, Tom." he comments, looking over then away out at the bustling city.

As she feels Tom shake his head in disagreement, she makes her own observations. "Julia was really upset after she went to your apartment...she thought you had been hurt, robbed...I know..." she pauses, then continues brisquely "I know things haven't been good between the two of you for a while now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. I've never seen her so terrified. You were afraid you'd lost her, but...she was just as afraid she'd lost you."

Tom is silent, refusing to look up, but Ivy can tell she's caught his attention as his grip on her clothing tightens.

It's Derek's final comment that finally pulls Tom from his shell. "You know you can't hide here forever...If it ever gets out that you came and stayed overnight, the media would have a field day...both our reputations will be ruined. And while I'm sure you'd be thrilled to make it look like you've converted me into a bloody fairy, just think about why they'd come to that conclusion." This gets a bark of laughter out of Tom, both of them chuckling at the thought of the media trying to pair him and Derek together.

His work done, Derek moves up and out of bed. "Ugh, I'm going to get cleaned up...you two try not to ruin my flat...and no peeking, either of you." Tom snorts as this, and he and Ivy cuddle in comfortable silence together, drifting off as they listen to the shower run in the bathroom.

After a while, Derek walks back in to see the two dosing off curled into each other, and a soft smile lights upon his face as he absentmindedly towels his hair. He never would have imagined feeling pleased from such an odd sight, in his bed of all places, but then again he never would have imagined a lot of the things that had occurred over the past year.

Ivy yawns and looks up at him from the bed. "Done? I'm gonna freshen up really quick..." she looks around at the rather messy room "...is there anything clean or remotely close enough to Tom's size that he could borrow? He smells like a dive bar..."

At her comment Tom's eyes open and he looks up at her reproachfully. She looks back down at him. "Well, you do. Not to mention the state of your clothes...something tells me you don't want to do the walk of shame out of Derek's apartment looking like that. People might talk..." she states matter of factly.

Tom rolls his eyes and huffs at her indignantly, but allows her rise, stretching and making her way to the edge of the bed.

Derek looks around, still hung over. "I'll find something..." he mutters, eyes squinting.

She nods, and walks into the bathroom.

Tom props himself up by his elbows and groans, leaning his head back then forward again as he forces himself to rise to a seated position on the bed, only to get hit square in the face by a hooded sweatshirt.

"I know it's not up to your usual standards, but there's no bloody way you'll fit into any of my pants without looking like we shagged. That'll have to do...you can burn it after you're done with it." He says, the fact that he's sharing clothing with Tom beginning to become too strange to handle politely. It felt odd to be sharing the same space for so long without strangling each other, despite what had happened yesterday. The hangover wasn't helping, and he shuffled off to the kitchen.

Ivy emerged from the bathroom sans makeup looking much more awake, and she pushed and prodded Tom into the bathroom with a clean towel and spare razor she'd dug out so he could take a shower and shave, something definitely necessary seeing as he hadn't changed from the clothes he'd worn at the tribute night, giving away how long he'd gone without bathing.

She walked out hearing the shower running and found Derek seated at the kitchen island, a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. She bustled about the kitchen prepping a kettle for tea.

As she moved about the kitchen, Derek suddenly remembers she had been about to say something las night before deciding it could wait. He hesitates, then clears his throat.

"What was the thing you were going to tell me last night?"


End file.
